Achievements of the Bush Administration
By Pirate Joe
19 January 2009


     19 January 2009. The last full day of the Bush Administration. A day I thought would never come, (quite literally, with some of the new powers he just appropriated for himself) a day that finds one pinching one’s self just to make sure it’s not a dream.

    At historical turning-points such as this, it is proper and appropriate to look back, to pause and reflect on the accomplishments of any president, this one being no exception. It is a fitting time to examine, through his deeds, how this country has improved during his tenure.
    It is somewhat difficult to cull just a small number of this man’s many and vast accomplishments; I will try to be equal to the task.


    Who among us could possibly forget the stirrings of patriotic pride when W, like a modern-day triumphant Tarzan landed on the carrier deck and proclaimed “mission accomplished!” for all the world to see. Wisely completing the work that Daddy had only begun, W had finally destroyed the regime of Saddam Hussien. His brilliant logic was impeccable: Saddam would surly renew the war with Iran at some point. Iran had suffered tremendous losses during the Iran-Iraq war, diverting precious resources that were needed to increase their military strength. With Saddam permanently out of the way, they could then re-arm, as well as develop their all-important nuclear capability. Since we all know that a strong, nuclear-armed Iran is the keystone to peace in that region, if not the world, the well.....Oh, well, let’s forget mission accomplished. How about the capture of Osama Bin Laden?


    No mere cowboy sheriff was W. No sir! The man who engineered the murder of over 3000 Americans on 11 September 2001 was not going to remain at large! No more threats! No more video from his Caveman Studios! W would not be diverted. He kept his eyes on the ball, focussing all useful resources on one goal: the capture of OBL. It worked, too. Within one year, Osama found himself in a new cave: the solitary confinement cell at Fort Leavenworth.. World-wide, everyone breathed a sigh of relief as...what?...he didn’t capture Osama? mean he still singing na-na-na-na-na from his cave? O.K. we’ll forget that one too. There are many other ways to prove the greatness of this man (W).


    The devastation of Hurricane Katrina was one for the history books, the horrible confluence of a super-powerful storm on a bearing straight towards a major city. Again, W was Johnny-On-The-Spot. The pre-storm evacuation was a model of efficiency and effectiveness. Just look at how well Amtrak was used, taking hundreds of thousands out of the city while avoiding congested highways. Brownie did a hekuva job; remember  how quickly the city was rebuilt to historical standards? Didn’t we all marvel at how even the homes of the poor were re-built, re-habilitated or totally re-created to spare those folks as much misery as possible? Look back and be proud at how well the temporary sheltering at the Super Dome was handled, it will be studied and emulated for centuries to come. Isn’t everyone proud.....what do you mean..... the city is still in shambles. What do you mean... that land belonging to poor folks was taken and given to real estate developers. What do you mean... that he spent hundreds of times more on Baghdad. Brownie did do a heckuva job....didn’t he? Well, I’m not giving up: W was a great president, and I’m still going to prove it!


    I’ve got y’all here! Nobody knows better than W how vital it is that we protect large corporations. W saw a crisis coming, bold action was needed, (and) W was the man for the job. Two of our greatest industries, the healthcare industry, (you know, those wonderful folks whose kindness and compassion is exceeded only by the amount of money you have) and the credit card industry, (those benevolent folks who encourage you to live beyond your means for only 20% interest) were being taken advantage of by slothful, indolent Americans who were either looking for a free ride (wonder where they got that idea from) or who were getting sick and losing their jobs just for spite. Makes your blood boil, doesn’t it? W took care of that one! Just let the healthcare and credit card industries re-write the law. See?


    Remember when you used to get you cancelled cheques back with your bank statements every month? They were your no-questions-asked, absolute proof receipts. You probably never used them much, except when you needed to prove payment, like to the electric company or the IRS. No more. Now you get low-res smudgy copies that may (their own words) be accepted as proof of payment. If you really need proof, you’ve got to call your bank, press 1, press 2, all representatives are busy handling other customers...your call is important to us...
    This system saves money for the banks, so that’s why your monthly service charges went down, right? Sure....
Added benefit for corporations: Since the process is so cumbersome and irritating, many folks will just pay small bills twice, rather than spend 2½ hours on hold for a $15 cheque. And you said he wasn’t a compassionate conservative!


    Well, since he had to start a war in Iraq, is there any reason why BIG corporations shouldn’t make BIG money off it? The fact that it was Halliburton selected as the chosen one was just the luck of the draw, I’m sure. After all, there’s nobody in this Administration connected with Halliburton. Who said W doesn’t take care of folks!


    I’m just so scared I don’t mind anything the government does. After all, they are privy to stuff we don’t know. If W says we should wipe our butts with the Constitution, so be it! Anyway, if you’re doing nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to hide, right? Didn’t Goebbels say that? If it worked for Adolf Hitler and his S.S., why shouldn’t it work here? If our country needs to become a little Hitleresque in order to keep us safe, why not? Gee, does anything sound odd or wrong about this? Hmmm. Naw, W told me those powers would never be abused.


    Yes, finally I have found an accomplishment of W’s that I can agree is such. No, it’s not a huge one, but he did give us an extra month of Daylight Saving Time, giving us the illusion, at least, that dark winter days are fewer. At least the man does not have to leave office as a total failure, for this seemingly insignificant gift is one that I truly appreciate, despite the fact that it makes for a mighty thin legacy.


    There’s much more I could have written about, but I don’t want to make this article too long. Suffice it to say, president-elect Obama is made of “the right stuff” and is the best chance we’ve had for decent government in a long time. Good luck, Mr. president-elect!